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Friday, August 31, 2007
I just happened to cry.I am tired. I have blue blacks every session. I can't run so much now. I'm afraid of cramps. I look out the window during class and found peace in the things that doesn't communicate. I don't have much mental strength yet. I am frustrated too. I cannot control my emotions. It's a roller coaster ride. And the words that came out, those few words that can be so insignificant that it can get lost among the noise around us, with you looking at me with a smile, with tears you are holding back, and those words, they can mean nothing as if nothing ever happened. No. So I happened to cry.
2:25 PM
Thursday, August 30, 2007
A recent discovery: I'm Terrible at Grammer!
2:01 AM
The big sister went away for thailand for the weekend, leaving moi to tend to the guinea pigs. (And someone asked me what are guinea pigs. That person thought it was a "experimental person" I had to take care of. FYI, it's a pet.) So the caring side of Deanna towards lil furry animals came out because of this. Still, thought I myself was quite violent become Timothy, the sick gineau pig, is scared of me. Oh well. Got to clean up their shits, which looked like the food they ate, and disinfect Timothy's cage and medicate him. Took an entire hour every time. And every time Timothy stopped moving, the first thing that came to mind was "Is he dead?" Only when he moves, then I dared to heave a sigh of relief. He's very sick. So much that he looks more like a porcupine than a guinea pig. SICK!
1:43 AM
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
NEWSFLASH!Deanna's phone is not working at the moment so she's using a temporary one. Please identify yourself in your message if you want to sms her. Because she's already dealing with the loss of a thousand and one numbers overnight. So let her save 5cents worth of "who are you" and unneccessary guessing games about your identity. Thank you.
1:20 AM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
To be spontaneous.The third week of school is finished. With a not-so-surprise pop quiz in between. (Thank goodness for informants. That's why this school is the school of COMMUNICATION. ) I had to go find a birthday present for that kid in the house, and a certain psuedo sister wasn't free for shopping. So I did the next best thing- wait for an opportunity for any friend to be free. And hey! It paid off. Turns out that the housemates from korea were free, and somehow I managed to coerce... er, no... convince them to go to orchard with me, for old times sake. I guess, that one month of INTENSIVELY living together does make the heart grow fonder of each other-- in friendship terms, I must emphasize. There is the freakishly close friendship with the two guys of the house-- without any one of them breaking into "moley moley" like what lowsinting does. And there is the sudden "husband" role that I've been called into--> Ask joyce. So, when we're out, we're saying (or I am saying) that we have to get back before 12 if not we'll be stuck at Gupabal, or we can't talk loudly in the subway or we'll be given strange stares, or we can't say "yo" cos it means "god-de-damn" and it's finally nice to see people's breasts not bursting out of their uniforms. I'm just lost in a foreign land. Again. Maybe I have schizho. Or maybe I learn too much CS207 I'm beginning to be neurotic.
11:14 AM
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sometimes, I feel that I'm not yet back in Singapore. I close my eyes and I swear I can hear languages that I don't understand. And I hope to go further away, just to see what's life on the other side of Earth. I want to be Darwin, but instead of just South America, I want to explore the world. And then, I want to be inspired by all that is around me. I want to breathe the air from the countries beneath my feet. Just so I would know, how big is this world.
11:35 PM
Friday, August 17, 2007
Visionaries.A man who craves the attention of a woman. A simple premise. I had the chance to watch Mee Pok Man in Cinema Studies lecture yesterday, making it the first Singaporean arthouse film that I've ever watched. The story was good, it didn't make me drift off to sleep, to say the least. Eric Khoo is not a subtle man. Either that, or I'm getting good at understand films of this genre. The entire film was chokeful of deliberate Singapore flavour, meaning, innuendos. By far, I was most impressed with the one sex scene in the film. Ya ya, you sure say I ham sup right? I'm a girl for goodness sake. In that scene, you don't see anything else except the contours of both bodies. These bodies, moving in unison to dead silence. How'd he manage to just show light on the two leads, I felt was a superb technique. A Singapore filmmaker and his own technique. I hope to emulate that someday. But the movie still leads, a little too much I think. Just by the diegetic sound that are inserted quite abruptly, bad things can be foreshadowed easily. (MY GOODNESS! I remember stuff from my previous module! Mr JM Hall, you taught too well.) So, now I guess I'm quite looking forward to watching other Singaporean art films. I don't have special feelings for Royston Tan's 15 though. I can't relate to the "gangster" story, I don't quite understand what the film was really gunning for, and I think I need to see it again if I want to appreciate more-- but I don't think i will want to (hee). Support Eric Khoo and other indie filmmakers! Watch 881! It's a totally different league from Jack Neo! Who says Singapore can't make good films should watch all the Singaporean (art) films and then they will shut up.
11:29 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
N.E.R.DAt last, I have a new quest in life! Which involves books, textbooks, articles, readings and everything to do with the uncool. I shall be the permanent resident of loser land from this semester onwards. Ever since I came back from Seoul, I was amazed at how easy it was to pick up a reading and read it- with at least 50% attention, and after that, be able to study the reading with ease when it comes down to crunchtime. Also a plus factor is that even though I won't have a so-called "life" for the next 3 months, and may find it difficult to intergrate back into society (nobody likes losers, do they?), the reward at the end of the semester, I foresee, will dangle its carrots so at least I won't be suicidal along the process. So, for the sake of the almost-impossible task of achieving better grades, since Bees are making me sick nowadays, I shall try to be as studious, as geeky, as nerdy, as whatever-names-you-can-throw-at-me-that-sounds-uncool as I can be. And I hope it ain't just for 1 week or two!
1:35 PM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Touch down, Singapore!Yeap. Stepped on Singapore soil at approximately 7.30pm Monday night, and had a moment of drama-ness where I refused to step out. Thought of remaining in the airplane and in 12 hours, be back in Seoul. Then, thought of empty wallet with no Korean won, no Thai baht and only Singapore dollars. Hence, relunctantly step out of airplane, half-struggling with a 10kg handcarry bag filled with korean and thai goodies down the aisle. Saw "welcome home!" sign for residents of Singapore in the airport and felt utterly depressed-- until Charlene called and gave a warm, fuzzy welcome in the phone. But then phone went flat and became utterly depressed once again. It's so unbelievable that I'm back home. I still have the sensation that somehow, I'll be back at Hwa Jong, doing my own stuff opposite Victor or David, or talking to Ahjushi with my mangled Korean and his mangled English and Chinese. AntiYou was okay. I could tell (kinda) the freshies from the lao jiang, and it occured to me that I am a year 2. I saw the queue for 179 yesterday morning and it was, once again, utterly depressing. But somehow, the friends inside that concrete wasteland kept me warm and fuzzy. And at least Joyce, Chee Harn and Estelle were around. I didn't see my other companians in korea, but I'm sure I'll see 'em when I do. And I finished Harry Potter. All in 1 and a half days. It's done. I think I need time to re-adapt to this strangely familiar environment, the way i've done so in the 1 and a half months. Then, when I have the money, I'll spread thy wings and fly once again. At present, however, "all is well."
3:30 PM
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