The after-math

After the match, I saw Joan breaking down straightaway. I know why, it's so frustration when you floundered the chance to send the match to overtime. Then, Mr Kee started his debrief. To be honest, I wasn't listening. Instead, I was still thinking about the match. After that, Miss Rivera started her debrief as she talked about the A's. After a while, I begin to realise that this was it. That's the LAST match that I will be playing with these people. I begin to tear. Then, Miss Rivera said that I cannot pester them to play basketball as they have their A's to study for. My heart sunk a little. And when she announced that I'll be the one leading the other J1s, they all clapped, but I was in no mood. I was crying with the towel covering my face. I don't wanna let them go............... no...........

WE had a group hug..and they started to tear as well. I saw Jasmine's tears rolling. I saw Yan Hui's red eyes. I heard Rui Yi's," You making me cry oso." What a team. I don't know if I can type anymore. I mean, it's kinda silly crying while typing this blog...well, here's a poem I wrote. It's dedicated to ALL SRJC bballers.


Here's something your junior wrote
To show her appreciation to the team
You brought me joy, you brought me laughter
YOu brought me more that I could think
For that I say thank you
to all that you've given to me
Most of all, I'll remember the Malaysian Trip
All the poses, gangbanging, butt shaking was in the name of fun
As with all the hard work during trainings in the sun
And now the time has come for us to part
I don't wanna let go....It's just too hard
So here's wishing your future bright
And may the stars shine for you at night.
We

Matchday

Yesterday was the match against NY.

1st Quarter-Just trying to breathe
The match started with Hui Li opening the score. However, the opposing players intercepted a ball and rushed for a fast break. The player did a lay-up but she shot over the board. This shows that they are as nervous, if not more nervous than us. But then, we gave a poor first quarter show. I didn't run as fast as I should. Damnit... I just gave up halfway while running.

2nd Quarter-Shuttle Run?
Run up, run down, run up, run down. Damnit twice. Where's my motivation??!! Out of all my shots, i contributed 1 point. Scoreline was 02 or 04 to 18/19/20 * (delete where inappropriate).

3rd Quarter-Now we're playing
I GAVE SO much. Everyone GAVE so MUch.. It was an amazing quarter. We managed to chase until we were only 4 or 6 points behind.

4th Quarter-Winning isn't everything, but the effort to win is.
Final Score: 25-27.... damn.

Today

Things I did today.
1. Go to school with Renee.
2. Suan Renee over her black hair until she felt like punching me
eg. "You dye your hair "ugly black" ah?"
"So black! Like octopus ink!"
"I see black car, black car, black crow...black...."

3. Went for Lessons. Today Yan Sze got come.
4.Discovered I have to go for make-up lessons for Chem make-up lessons I did not go for yesterday.
Make-up for chem make-up= Chemistry Make-up make-up

5.Had recess with Ki Hui and her class. Her class seems like fun.
6. Maths Lecture.
7. Econs Lecture. The lecture theater don't look like train station leh, but the teacher looked like she "gan huo che"...talked so fast!!
8. Chinese. Haha, chinese test. Sure flunk one. Here's a question : Yuan4 zi2 li3 you3 yi4 ___ ji1...blah blah... I wrote zhi1.. yi zhi ji!!! One chicken... you think it's possible?? Haha...
9. Went to eat ice jelly at canteen while waiting for Chem make-up make-up. I don't know what time it starts but only know it's at LT3.
10. Asked around. No one knew what time the lecture starts.
11. Saw Jasmine and Grace. Ended up having lunch at coffeeshop outside school and ponning lecture.
12. Went to Grace's house to slack.
****************************************************

13. Talked to Shi Qi on the PHONe. WAH LAu...lauGhed like hell... I think people on the bus think I siao...
14. Went home.

YEs.. tomorrow is Thursday!!! The day after is FRIDAY!!! Can't wait... going out after match to take neoprints....

Letting Go

Argh, I hate goodbyes. Even unoffical goodbyes. I hate "lasts" too. The last training together, the last time I'll hear those distinctive laughter, the last time I'm "suan-ing" them and they suan me in return. Sigh.

But yesterday, though it's my last training with the seniors, it was a hell lotta fun.I got WET, thanks to HuiLi and gang.They poured water down me, surrounded me and poured. Brrr.. it's cold. But I got my revenge. I poured at them too.HAHA...

And I gave them each a HUGE hug at the end. *SmILeZ*



By the way, I'm at home now. Had diarrhoe..erm, diarrhoe that I expected myself to have the day before ( geddit??)... went to see doctor for MC..hehe..

Can't wait till Thursday. I want to beat NYJC with this amazing team I'm in.

Can't wait till Friday. SQ and Gek Eng and Andrea and XueYi... yes..gonna have laughing sessions on Friday.

Hits & Misses

I've ruined it. I've ruined the most momorable "first" a girl could ever have in her entire life. Haiz...I guess it's entirely my fault. I should have stop and think about it before I dived headfirst into it. But then, yes, it may seem to others like I was fooling around, that I was playing with someone. Hui Li said she felt like slapping me a lot. But hey, if you think about it, I'm the victim of my own demise too. I went out, feeling that I wasn't ready at all. But then, I myself had no idea when I'll be ready. Now that I've experienced failure, I think that for many months to come, I will never ever think of this again. I don't think I even dare to try again anymore. Now that's scary.

SRJC 30-17 PJC

It was a good game, but only in the third quarter did we truly try to thrash them. Well, even though it was a win, I'm sure everyone knows we can do better. My jaw was "dislocated" during the 2nd quarter. Damn. I couldn't even close my mouth. It's still painful, but it's better now. Whew. Yesterday in training, my nose bled again. It was so frustrating. Why am I so accident-prone? Sigh. But then, Ena had some "helpful" suggestions. She told me to wear a sanitary pad on my nose. Diao right? But her, me and YanHui were laughing all the way as we walked to the toilet to clean myself due to the blood.

Speaking of laughing, I think that was the only time yesterday that I truly enjoyed a good laugh. It's been 4 months since I have been without SQ and gang. I miss them!!! 4 months without SQ to say her very very very funny jokes and 4 months without Gek Eng & Andrea to gossip with me. During the first 3 months, it was still fine. I had the "tok cok gang". Charis, Ying Chin, Liling, Ki Hui and Yan Sze can truly crap. Now? I think I've lost my touch. In my new class, though I've been sticking to Shazz and company, I don't really feel that I'm part of them. Haiz. And I've not been laughing. I need LAUGHTER!!! The basketball team has so much laughter,but the Nationals are coming to a close. I'll be training with the other J1s soon and it'll be so different. I'll miss the ENTIRE bball team. Hopefully, they'll come train with us if they have the time. Now, I think I'm just a zombie, just being in class because I have too. So depressed!!! The more I think about it, the more it eats me. Help!!!

it's all over<--interpret it however u want as well.

WE aRe the BEST

The results are out. WE are the best CG group in the TEC camp on Saturday. We beat 1S17, the very enthusiastic group. Woopee!!

Oh,by the way, I'm taken. <--interpret it however u want.

Yesterday I write so much, then the computer suddenly offline..grr..so today I write, some parts may be summerised...

Team Excellence Camp

I dragged my ass out of bed and arrived at school for the team excellence camp at 8am. The team excellence camp was aimed at making the classes bond. In the begining, it was everything I thought it would be. Boring. Images of my sweet home floated into my mind. Images of the CCAB which the bball boys will be playing their last match floated into my mind. Here's what happened.

First, we were supposed to come up with a cheer. I admit, I did not really participate in the discussion to what cheer to create. I was stoning. But, at least I did the practices of the cheers with enthusiasm. Jun Kai, at first, was enthusiastic too. He came up with ideas. However, when we decided to scrap his idea for Xin Ting's "soccer" cheer, his face changed. The whole atmosphere changed too. No one seemed to cared anymore. To be honest, I think everyone was a little pissed with Jun Kai's attitude. Luckily, Shaz and someone else threw some ideas in. We managed to put in a weak cheer. But it was quite humiliating when Joan( faci for 1s17) had to come in and encourage us. It was lucky that the cheering competition was in the afternoon. I would have a nightmare if we had to perform it straightaway.

Soon, it was time for the games. First up was the "catapillar" game at the track. While we were making our way there, Li Jun tried to keep our spirits up. But then, everyone was seriously stoning. It was very very very boring!!! More images of my sweet home came into my mind. When the game started, we lost. Jun Kai had the most idiotic expressions. The class spirit is virtually nil. The game was unfair, for your info. We had much more people than the other class. Then it was time for the second game, the "A-Z" game. We lost the first 2 rounds, but we won the third round-the hardest round I must add. When we won the third round, everyone was so happy. Everyone except Jun Kai. He quipped sacarstically, " Yeh Yeh! But we still lost!" At that very moment, I really wanted to shout "Fuck off" in his face. This will come as a shocker to those who know me well. I don't swear, but at that moment, I really wanted to tell that fucking bastard to fuck off to fucking hell.


Luckily I didn't. Because during the third game, a miracle happened. Jun Kai decided that he wanted to be part of the class. He said that he will stop being such a jerk. He led us through the "Spider-maze" while shouting encouragement to all of us. That was really a turning point. The whole class began to shout "BOLEH!" before we went into the maze. The term "Boleh" came because Hazzely kept sanging the "Boleh" song and Gerrard kept saying, "Boleh, bloeh."I guess this will be our class motto in future.
We went through the maze slowly but steadily. When we finished the maze, the Game IC said it was the slowest time EVER. It dampened our spirits a little, but as the competing class started going throught the maze, we decided to make our time useful. We discussed the cheer. Jun Kai contributed a brilliant cheer. See, if your attitude is on the right track, impossible is nothing( ok ok,i copied adidas). We were shouting ourselves silly on the corridor. Everyone was happy. The class spirit has been lifted. And the best thing is, the competing class took FAR longer than us to complete the maze. WE won our first game!! YES!

Soon,we made our way to the canteen for lunch, but with shouts of "BOLEH!" accompanying us. THen the whole class went to heartland mall burger king when we found out that there will be 1 hour for lunch.

After lunch, it was time for more games. First up is the game in the rock climbing wall area. Coincidently, Ruiyi was the game IC. Hey, let me digress a little. Something amusing happened to RuiYi there. OMG, she is so gonna kill me if she read this..

AN INCIDENT WITH RUI YI

WE gathered round the game ICs to prepare to sing the "HELLO" song. I stood behind Ruiyi, and aimed for her ear. She kept poking me in the tummy( like ENA ..poke here poke there.. Renee REALLY poked me... OMG..are all bball seniors PokeRs??). Silas saw that, and he swopped places with me. Now, Silas was the one behind Ruiyi. Ruiyi, oblious to the change, poked and poked at Silas. Right before we started on the "Hello" song, I tapped her and told her. You should have seen her expression! She was downright embarrassed! But she quipped," Lucky I never poke u there." Haha...

But we lost the game. But we won the game after that, which was a water throwign game. Me and Silas had great teamwork!We managed to intecept 1 water bomb. After that was a very "out-of this-world" game. It was "netball-meets-bowling-meets-hula hoop". The rules were simple, we have to knock down cones placed at the end of the court and use netball style to pass the ball till we are within range of the cones. The catch is, two people will be in a hula hoop. 5 pairs of this will make up the team. I paired up with Silas. We won, I was so happy, partly because we won, but mainly because ....dun tell you.

Then came the cheering competition. We pulled oursleves together and cheered as loud as we can. And guess what? WE CAME IN 2ND!!!! Out of 16 classes and we were 2nd! Not bad for a class which seriously lacked communication in the morning.

Then came the fiesta which we laughed ourselves silly then it was time to go home. 1S20 will never be the same again. Yes, Team Excellence has indeed fufilled its purpose to makeus unite.

Team Excellence Camp

This morning, I woke up at 6.30am and dragged my ass to this camp called TEC. In the begining, it's everything I thought it would be-boring, unfruitful. Images of my sweet home kept floating in my mind, and to make matters worse, some guy in my class decided to have an attittude problem.

It all began when the program started. We had to go to a classroom to think of a cheer. I admit, I did not contribute to this, instead, I was stoning all the way. Jun Kai thought of something, but in the end we decided to go with Xin Ting's "soccer" cheer. Well, at least I was still listening and going along with the class. Jun Kai, however, had a BIG change. He became sullen and moody, and did not participate. This created a huge impact on the class. All of us were disheartened. Li Jun tried to keep our spirits up, but to no avail. Faces were black, and more images of my sweet home floated into my mind. Even Joan( faci for 1s17) had to intervene. Still, the cheer was half-heartedly done. After the agonising cheering session, it was off to games. However, no one had the mood to play. First up was the "catapillar" game, which we lost. It was quite unfair, I must admit, because the other class had less people than us. Oh well. During the second game, we tried our best. It was the "A-Z" game. We lost the first 2rounds but won the third. But however, we lost overall. We were quite happy, because at least we won one round( level 3) but Jun Kai's words really made me want to swear onto his friggin' face. He said ," YeH! Yeh! But we still lost!Haha." Idiotic right? I really really wanted to tell him "Fuck off". I know, this will come to people I know as a shocker. I don't swear at all, but under this, well, I just can't take it anymore.

But then, after that instant, things changed. Look at the first paragraph again. I said "In the begining, blah blah blah." Haha, some sort of miracle decided to happen. "Poof!" Jun Kai decided that he will stop being such an ass.He decided to join in and be part of the class. That's when things really changed. We played "spider-maze" and it took us 7 whole minutes for us to complete the maze. The Game IC said it was the slowest time ever. Well, it did make us a little discouraged, but guess what? The class we competed with was far far far slower than us. We WON!!! Hazzely started his "boleh" cheer and we joined in. The whole class started chanting "BOLEH!" It was a warm feeling. And Jun Kai contributed a cheer as well. We manage to make a decent cheer in the end. Whew.

After that, it was time for lunch. Believe it or not, the whole class went to Heartland Mall Burger King for lunch! After that, it was time for the games again. We went to play a game in the rock climbing wall area. It was Ruiyi's game. Let me tell you something that happened to her. OMG, she is so gonna kill me if she read this... Ok, my class surrounded her to prepare for the "hello" song. Then she started poking me( kinda like Ena... wonder if all bball seniors like to poke people.. Renee definately likes poking mE!!!) in the tummy. Silas saw that and we swopped places. Because I was standing behing RuiYi at first, she didn't know that me and Silas swopped places. She poked and poked and poked. HAHAHA!!! It was after a while before I finally told her to look at where she was poking. My god! You should have seen her expression! She was so embarrassed!! But then, we lost that game. However, we won another game, a water game. :)

But we lost another game.( the 10 people on one mat game)

To me, the last game was the most special. It was the "ten-pin" game, requires 2 people to be in a hula-hoop and 5 pairs to be in the game. It's netball-meets-bowling. We have to pass the ball and try to knock down cones at the ends of the court. Silas, surprisingly, paired up with me! I guess we are the only "mixed" pair on the court. The rest were either all girls and all guys. But I must say, we had good chemistry. Our team won in the end! Yipee!! But I'm not just happy for that. I'm happy because.... hehe, don't tell U.

Then there was the cheering competition. To our utter delight, we came in 2nd overall! WOW!!! Everyone starting chanting "BOLEH" again. That really lifted 1s20's spirits!! Then came a very very funny "fiesta" and then, it was time to go.

Here's our cheer.

20 unite
We show our might
We show them how we 20 fight
We fight in the sun
We fight in the rain
We fight to give 20 a name

WE will we will rock you (SHRIEKS)x4

20 aie
20 oh
20 20 here we go
20 0h
20 aie
20 20 all the way!!

Go 20 is the best
go 20 beat the rest

go go gogogogogog......

20!!!!

What's today's date? 16.4.04.

This morning, I went to the bus stop at 6.56, a little later than usual. All because I want to wait for the next 153 bus so that I can be in the same bus as Renee. It's been awfully lonely going to school alone. Without Ying Chin to chat with me, I feel so sleepy. However, today Renee came to her bus stop a little too early. We ended up waiting and waiting. Finally, the bus came and shortly after, reached her stop. She hopped onto the bus and our mouths started moving fast. She told me a joke she invented herself. Here's how it goes.

"Xi Wang de surname shi shen me?" (what is "xi wang's surname)

Guess....


I forgot what i guessed. And you will never ever guess the answer.... It's "dong zhang".

Dong zhang xi wang... look here look there.... DIAO right??

Well, if Renee uses that joke, she can go far in the "so-lame-that-you-can't-stand-it" competition. Seriously.

When we reached the bus stop to school, every single person began to "choing". I was like, eh, should I chiong as well huh? Then we were like, I look at you,you look at me... Finally, we also "joined in the crowd" and ran all the way. The distance between the bus stop and school is about 100m, so you can imagine, if I run like that every single day, I can train my legs ah( Mr Kee say my legs not strong enuf). Renee can lose her fats.( kidding lah..) Well, the rest of the day weren't that exciting, and I began to switch to "half-asleep" mode.But Maths Tutorial Was really FUN!!! We were laughing to Mr Neo( maths teacher reliefing)'s experieces and his expressions. So FARNIE!!!

There's TEC tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be fun and I can get closer to my new classmates with that. And guys, good luck against MI! I know you can do it!

testing....

Unity

I run you run we run like hell
but then, when we run, we smile
Because you run, therefore I run
And unity's what it spell

I catch the ball
you screen for me
even though i don't say a thing
you catch the ball
you pass to me
based on the fact that I'm free

I pia you pia we pia like hell
for just 1 objective
Because we pia we can achieve
something that's called ChEmIsTrY

with faith with strength with energy
We'll make our opponents weak
with our "poems" in our minds
unity will become victory

Some Reminiscing

I am a daydreamer. That is a fact. I dream about so many things that it fasinates me. Ever thought of something, and it links to something else, and just go on and on until you thought of something that doesn't really link to the first thought? That's what I do. And today,I thought of something so interesting it made me chuckled. Today, while in Chemistry lecture, I thought of something, then eventually thought of basketball. And I remembered my first training.... *cue dreamy music*

Well, to tell the truth, I wasn't planning to join basketball at first. I had the impression that SRJC was an "ah lian" school, full of hooligans and gangsters(of cos, time proved me terribly wrong). And while in the canteen during the first day of school in SRJC, Wan Qing and me discussed about the prospects of basketball in this school. She spotted a girl with a basketball collar pin, and motioned me to take a look. I was quite intimidated with the girl's appearance. She looked fierce. Very fierce. Well, the funny thing is, now that I think of it, she might be Yan Sze. Isn't it uncanny? That she will turn out to be a great buddy of mine? Anyway, back to this. Ok, so 1st, bad impression. 2nd, bad face. But the turning point came when on Monday 5.1.04, at the point where the orientation groups are about to be dismissed, someone made an announcement about basketball tryouts. Hah! Right at the end of the day when I was about to shut down, the announcement hit me in the back of my head. Tryouts?! Today!? 5pm!!? And the problem is, no one wants to go to the tryout with me! I don't want to be alone. But then, as fate has it, someone showed an interest. Yes, I want to go, she said. Let's go together, she said. Ok ok, I'll meet you at 4.30 in the canteen. SET! Yes, I had someone with me. But I had this desire to ask my OGL to re-comfirm that announcement. Is it really today at 5pm? I wanted to ask. However, at that time, she was nowhere to be found. I should have asked before we were dismissed. But then, I had this bad omen that she won't know anything about basketball. What if she went,"huh, I oso dunno leh?" That was what I fear. By that time, I saw all OGLs in the hall, having a meeting of sorts. Oh well, fergetaboutit! I thought. Tired me just want to go home and sleep. It was 1 something, I still had 4hours more to decide whether to go.

Eventually, when 4pm approaches,I was in no mood for basketball. Ferget it, I told myself. Ferget it. Do you believe in fate? Well, that very day, believe it or not, it was my mum who forced me to go. Go lah go lah, you need sports. Without sports you won't excercise. And so, I went. When I reach there, I had a feeling that I regreted the descision.That's because I know none of the people there. It felt like the rest (erm, which is 2people) know the J2s. I know none. I was petrified. I stood silently, and my friend( the one who said she'll accompany me) talked to one basketball girl. The girl had spikey hair, and I felt quite scared. She did ask me some questions,and I did talk a little, but that was it. Another girl who was shorter said," You don't have to be scared. I was like you when I first came too." That eased me up a little, but still, my tiny little heart beat like mad.

I smiled when I recalled this little memory of mine. That decision that I regretted turned out to be the wisest choice I've ever made. Those basketball girls, whom I thought was "gangsters", were in fact, the most fun people to be around. And the amazing thing is, the OGL that I talked about, whose name is Ena, became my partner on the court. Haha. Serious! I wonder how things will turn up if I asked her right from the start. I should've done that!Things sure have a way of turning themselves around. And boy, AM I GLAD!

\Thinking Too Much

Here's what my life will look like...

JC(currently here)-> University->Work->Marraige->Kids->Death

I WANNA CHANGE MY LIFE!!! DAMNIT!!!

Sian...

Day's Highlights
1. Went to eat Seoul Garden with Andrea and Gek Eng
2. Along came Shi Qi.
3. Laughter, laughter and more laughter.
4. Bought 2polo tees for Dad( today's his birthday)
5. Saw Grace and Jasmine at traffic lights. Jasmine's beanie looks vaguely familiar.. must be Grace's one.. that one that she brought to malaysia...
6. SQ & me expressed opinions about "the non-straight" route and stuff.
7. All agreed that 1/2 of Singapore's population are in Orchard.
8. The other 1/2 is in church.
9. Cinelesure too crowded.
10. Dad and family pick me up to go celebrate his birthday.
11. Ate steamboat buffet at M HOtel.
12. Two buffets in one day, be glad my stomach's not burst yet.

The Respect for the Desceased

At 11am, cars began to stream down Choa Chu Kang, policemen were spread around to control traffic. A solitary figure lits up her cigerette, as if oblivious to the heat, and allow the nicotine to settle into her lungs. She puffed for a while, then walked along the road, seemingly headed towards one of the thousands of graves in the heart of Choa Chu Kang Cemetry. But I could not see where she went because the car I was in began to move ahead slowly. Finally, the car reached the nearest road to where my grandfather's grave was. As I walked out of the vehicle, the sun makes it's presence known by casting it's rays on my forehead. Shielding my eyes with my hands, I walked towards that familiar grave where I have been visiting for years. The grave was well maintained, with green, healthy grass growing out. Soon, we were done with my grandfather's grave. Time to pay our respects for "Lao Gou". "Lao Gou", as we affectionally called her when she was still walking on this earth, had a spunky attitude towards life. She looked barely 60 years old, drank Coke and had a smile on her face every single time. Now, the only time I get to see her smile is on the picture upon her tomb. Life is that vulnerable, I guess. Her death was untimely and heaven gave no hints. A case of constipation was the begining, and months later, her time was up like a snap of fingers. Before I knew it, here we are, looking at her smile through a black-and-white oval picture....

A true friend reaches out for your hand and touch your heart.

On Wednesday, or yesterday( pardon me, I couldn't remember), I was waiting for the bus at my usual bus stop. After a while, no.13 reached the stop. Ying Chin always take that bus to this stop and wait for 105 here. Naturally,I was very excited when she emerged from the bus. However, no.105 came right after. "Damn!" I thought. What a twist of emotions! But then, before she rushed for 105, she hugged me. That hug was special. (NOTE:I'M STRAIGHT) She made a point to hug me!!! It was that moment that I felt glad, glad that Ying Chin was my friend, glad that she treasured me and vise virsa... The tittle of this entry is what she did. (by the way, she say to bold her name when I wanna tok about her.... so i bold her name lor..haha..)

Ying Chin! Frens & tok cok gang forever!!!

Yesterday Once More

"If I don't motivate myself, no one can make me move." What a joke. I wrote this statement in the little red book of Miss Rivera's and forgot all about it yesterday. We played against VJC in CCAB yesterday at 4.30pm. We arrived at the place at 11am, and promptly put ourselves into hot soup by forgeting to take the balls there.It's a silly mistake out of carelessness, no one's at fault. Moreover, the team was concentrating on the games, thus nobody really cares. But then again, as i looked into Miss Rivera's expressions, my heart jumped. She was clearly unhappy. Luckily, Yan Hui and Joan rushed back to school by taxi,grabbed the balls and came back. The boys started their match at 12pm, their oppenents were Pioneer Junior College. Meanwhile, the girls were cheering with enthusiasm, and by that time, the whole place was crowded with people all over. I was so happy when I spotted Hui Zhen. She was in the YJC team, jersey no. 12. She's still the same old her, looking ever so cute and gleeful. And still in love with Thomas the hairdresser, I'm sure. It was nice reminiscing about the times PHS trained in CCAB. I could vividly remember Mr Wong shouting at me when I did not convert an easy shot. I remembered Xui Hao and her lay-ups. I remembered Samantha, and my crashing into her large frame each time. Most importantly, I remembered my life in the PHS basketball team. I remembered Cynthia( hamburger), Jia Yi ( hippo-po), Wan Qing, Xui Hao, Jewell, Samantha, Mei Hui, Hui Zhen, Irene, Shi Jing and most importantly, Xiao Wei. And as my mind floats back to the begining, I was surrounded by a different team, with a different attitude towards basketball. No more Xui Hao and Wan Qing the star players, no more Samantha who rebounds and blocks. It's now just me, and this team. I can't depend on them now, I gotta depend on me and my current team. That's when it truly hits me. WOW. I'm finally feeling the strenght of being part of the team. The feeling of unity crept into my heart for the first time. I'm part of this team. Wow.

But then, I guess I'm veering away from the real topic that I want to bring up now. The match is the topic. THAT MATCH. The first quarter was a disaster. It looked more like a game of ping-pong than basketball. I was running back and forth, like the motion of a ping-pong ball. Fatigue sets in at the very begining. Within minutes, I felt I was losing grip of my mental strength. As the opponent keeps on shooting and lay-up-ing right before my very eyes, I tried to convince my brain I can be like that person. My brain did not listen. When it's time for the second quarter, I saw Karen and Ying Zhao. My seniors in AJC uniform. Karen waved enthusiascally at me, and I felt a surge of responsibility to show what a player I was. I was truly bent on showing them I could play, and play well. Our playing greatly improved during the 2nd and third quarter, but we were still losing. I can remember me missing 2 free throws. Dissapointment. In the end, we lost the game, 45 to 15. After the match, I was fine. No crying, nothing. As we walked out the court, there was a hockey game going on. Suddenly, exhuberent cheers of "GOAL!!" rang through my ears. The kids were jumping for joy. At that very moment, my heart broke. I laughed. At first, I was surprised I could even laugh. It was only after I reached the bus when I realise who I was laughing at. Myself.

Today, I did not have the mental strength in training. It turned out bad. Very bad,

To the person I have in mind:

I think of you day and nite the first few days I saw you. Your name floated in my mind 24/7.. But I cannot tell you. There's so many reasons holding me back. I'm gonna try to forget you now, because there's someone else that's more important to me.

I wished I had the courage
to say all that I want
I wish this ain't how I feel
I'm bursting out, and i'm stunned

I'm standing here
just trying to be a friend
Cos that's all I can only give
A friend when you're in need

I know I want to be more than that
But hey, that's life I guess
My life has become part of yours
You didn't realise it, that's all

I worry that you'll find out
I'm scared you'll avoid me
That's why I hope you'll not think too much
Even though it's your heart I wanna touch

If you ask me... if anyone ask me...
I will deny... everything

Writing something productive
I read a guy's blog just now. I have no idea who he is, but it was written beautifully. So beautiful, that I could not resist reading every single word. His blog described so detailedly what happened to him and how he felt, so passionately that I could see it happening right before my eyes. Yes, I'm envious. To put it more bluntly, I'm plain jealous. He could inject emotions, in fact, he looks like he's writing his own book right in his blog.

By the way, Nationals TOMORROW!!! But not very nervous now as compared to last time. Last time, I'm always nervous for nothing. Mr Wong never puts me in the game, I'm always being a benchwarmer. From start of match to end of match. Ok, he sometimes got put me in, either to "ding si" an opponent( I still remember me having to guard the Anderson Sec one... tired like hell) or because we are leading by a lot. Hmm...thinking back, I think I've improved a lot. Now I have more exposure. But then my free throws are not very accurate now.. ARGH!!!Hmm... I've learnt to survive in a basketball team without Xui Hao, Wan Qing and Samantha. I used to think that they were the ones who can make the team win. Now I realise it's really really really TEAM EFFORT now. And WE HAVE IT!!!I've discovered I can help the team now. ME... I'm also IMPORTANT now. WOW. That feeling never existed while I was in PHS... I'm so glad I went to the right place.

I sucked at training yesterday!!!!So angry with myself!! Why do I keep charging towards the opponant??!! Grrrrrrr.....

Yesterday,the team was selected, but I didn't have any mood to celebrate altho I'm in the team. Because of 2 things. One-i was terrible at training( under-the basket!!!) Two- renee was sad. I dunno what to say to her because I can't console people, so I let her walk off. Yuen Xing and Ena chased after her. I felt so useless.

Today, I went to J8 to buy stuff. I've got new earphones!! Today, Rizal supposed to come with me, but he last moment couldn't make it. Well, it's ok... next time will force him to treat me.. muahahhaha....

I just came back from Bugis today. So tired!! Went out when Gwen, Yan Hui, Ena, Grace, Renee, Bao Shan and Yuen Xin. Yuen Xin, Renee and Bao Shan went home after taking NeoPrints, but Yuen Xin came back after 1 or 2 hours later. Wanted to eat Crepes & Cream ice-cream, ended up treating them, but they scared I "pok kai", so in the end 3 of them drank the $1peach tea and only ena ate ice-cream. Haha, thanks guys for helping me "shen qian". Went to Bugis after that. Walk here walk there. Then time to go home. So, go home. (I think you can tell I'm in the "sian" mode now... haha...grace and ena worse, they in "screensaver mode" today)

Hmm..today training we had another J1 come. She didn't talk much, so I don't really know her. But, me being a J1 too, of course I hope to befriend her lah. With her size, she can easily rebound the ball. Mr Kee put her as centre today at CCAB where we were training because Jocelyn injured her foot. I feel that although her height and qualities is an advantage, the chemistry between the team was broken. Jocelyn was quite blur as to where to run because she played forward toway, then I didn't play very well today as well. It seemed like there were only 4people in my team because we couldn't really communicate with that J1( her name is Pei Qi). Nationals is on Wednesday and I hope there will not be any major change in the team formation because I will be SO BLUR if that happens.

Anyway, I think I'm not gel-ing with the other J1s. Most problably is because I train with the J2s during training. Yesterday, I went for the Nationals Junior disability thingy( see yesterday's entry). Cai Yun, Yee Har, Dai Jin, Gao Fei and Angelina were there too. But I was with Jasmine the whole time. Didn't really talk to them. Then I have this feeling in my heart that I like the seniors more. Maybe it's because I'm currently more close to them. I have the tendacy to chat, talk and laugh with the seniors but I couldn't do it with the J1s. Haiz... I'm scared that after Nationals, I will be all alone all over again. I've been alone( heng got xiao wei in bball in phs) for 4whole years in PHS..I know that stupid feeling. I HATE that FEELING!!! But the other J1s catch no ball when i crap leh... haiz... *cross my fingers man*

I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy.... I still have 1 last msg for Yuen Xin...I cannot slp!! I'm now sms-ing with Rizal..I cannot doze off... I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy.

By the way, we're going to train tomorrow. And I'm going out with Yuen Xin they all right after that. My homework has been done(ok, almost done). I'm feeling GREAT! In 8hours time,I'll be wide awake again..

I heard Yuen Xin's dedication just now!!!! On UFM 100.3...

Today, I was in school from 7.30am to 5pm for the Nationals Junior Disability Track and Field Meet as a timekeeper and helper. As I watched the races from begining to end, something tugged at me. The participants were so cute!! Their laughter, their smiles, their determination to finish the race touched me. I really really wanted to cry. Jasmine,who was beside me, also watched their faces and felt the same. I know you all would have seen some of them on TV, some with physical disabilities, some with mental disabilities. I, myself felt nothing when I see them on TV. But, when you are upclose and personal with them, the impact of their spirit comes to you with a POW!!

Life never felt so satisfying today.

Hmm, today was virtually uneventful, until training. (There's NEVER a boring moment in training). Yan Sze didn't come to school today, so I was with Liling the whole day. It was quite boring, but heng, got Liling, if not I have to stick with (gasp!) the red mother( if you don't understand, you must translate to chinese. If you still don't understand, forget it cos you are not from the Tok Cok gang..haha..inside joke lah) Erm, speaking of Liling, her way of saying the phrase is so funny! What phrase? This phrase," DUN TOK TO ME. TOK TO MY HAND." It's sophistication-meets-humour-meets- classic-meets-originality cute. In other words, it's high class cuteness. Come people, go talk to Liling. Ask her to do that to you.HAHa...

Let's talk about training. I injured my nose(again!!).. Luckily RuiYi wasn't there. That time when I dived for the ball in M'sia, she already laughed like hell. Haha... I think it's because of my spectacles. I have to go change to contacts soon,I guess. Well, tomorrow's a looooooooooooong day for me. I have to do CIP..sob sob...