“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”
-No. 1 quote in AFI’s Memorable Quotes of All Time

This week shall be the week I stay home and ponder over the meaning of life.

(Okay, the former is true, but not so much the latter.)

Finally, after weeks of going out and enjoying myself at countless gatherings, KTVs, birthdays, this is the week I finally settle down and rot myself silly at home.

Well, partly because the dough was running out, and I was getting tired of going into town. Yes, Singapore is that small.

Starting from Sunday night, I immersed myself in a series of movies at the comfort of the sofa.

“The Machinist”

Christian Bale as a skeleton who cannot sleep.

“Cars”

Talking vehicles. Sweet.

“The Barnyard”

I only watched it because my sister was roaring with laughter while she watched it. But yeah, it’s nice.

“Lovewrecked”

How can I pass up watching the movie that wind up as the inspiration to Felily & Dee’s radio show?

So, this week I’ve chalked up a few more movies watched. I really am a freak when it comes to movies eh? Anyway, a Singaporean won a Special Mention Award for his film “Ah Ma” in Cannes. CANNES! Pretty awesome, isn’t it. Singapore’s small in size, but not in heart. Alright! One for the road!

And yes, reaffirms everything.

Life's a bitch. Life’s always a bitch.

What I’ve discovered during the past few weeks is that, things don’t always go my way. Plans can go awry, even long term ones. Friends can turn their backs on you and walk away, so far away, you’ve wondered what’s become of them. People that you want to see, you only see them in your dreams because you simply have no time. And in that particular dream, I see the both of them walking away together. Then I woke up.

Makes no sense right, this dream of mine? I can recall the dream fondly, for it involves two of my favourite people in the whole world. They don’t know each other in real life, which makes it all the more peculiar in the dream.

So when I woke up, I realize that I’m lucky that I don’t have to dream of some people, like Andrea, Gek Eng, Shi Qi and Stephanie, just to remember them. Heck, they’ve been in my life for 6 years, and still, there they are, listening to my complains, every problem and supporting me in my quest to be a film director one day.

But still, even with support, you’d think nothing would go wrong? That’s where you are wrong. Murphy’s the best. He invented the most ridiculous law that becomes true at the unexpected times.

“Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.”

I found myself becoming a bitch—but at the appropriate times— and it’s no fun being one because of all the fricking tensions and treading on loose thread kind of feeling. But hey, work is work, play is play. Since life can be a bitch, why not me, right?

This post doesn’t sound very optimistic, but I assure you, it’s the only way I can get things out of my system so I can be my normal self again. Blogging, people always say reveal the true self of one.

But I disagree.

Blogging does not show the whole true self of one, it’s the inner self, the self that wants to express emotions through words they knew. Blogging, to me, is my voice from somewhere beneath my heart, where I throw politically correctness out the window. But I do still throw my personality in this blog, don’t I?

Life’s a bitch and I’m just dealing with it.

So let me be.

I'm gonna shamelessly plug my award-winning short clip.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com.sg/2006revamp/vodcast/2007/05/14a11/story.html

Check it out in here. (And if you like, you can vote for it too)

And here are some of the other clips which I find are really good too.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com.sg/2006revamp/vodcast/2007/05/14a19/story.html

This above links to the boys' film. Which I think is refreshing. And the way they shot it is really meticulous.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com.sg/2006revamp/vodcast/2007/05/14a09/story.html

This is in a cemetery setting. I loved the way they made use of just a place, but they were able to capture the beauty of a cemetery. Seems impossible, but they did it.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com.sg/2006revamp/vodcast/2007/05/14a03/story.html

With all the seriousness surrounding the topic of Global Warming, this film is the only one that lightens up the mood, and it works because it made everyone laugh.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com.sg/2006revamp/vodcast/2007/05/14a14/story.html

this was one out of many documentary-type of clips around, but it looked really really good and interesting.

So, if you wanna know how the indie-filmmakers do what they do, check these out. It's 8 hours of pure blood and sweat for all 29 teams that were in the competition. Everyone learnt stuff.

I had a movie madness rush last night.

Watched Priceles or Hors De Prix (French title) in the cinema and Quinceneara at home.

It's kinda nice to understand a little bit of what Audrey Tatou was saying, with the most understandable statements being "Je ne sais pas" and "Bonne Soir".

F***ing tormenting French do pay off-- sometimes.

Anyway, I just had the urge to watch Priceless when I read about the review. So i did. Which turns out to be a wonderfully good thing because the show was delightful, unpredictable and I loved the ending.

It's not a girl meets boy, falls in love, and have a sweet, drool-worthy montage of them doing stuff together kind of show.

It's a girl hooker meets barman, thinks he's rich and still manage to get a hell lotta stuff out of him.

Quinceneara is this story about a Hispanic girl whose Quinceneara (15th birthday where they have an elaborate celebration cos that's when she becomes a woman) is around the corner and she discovers herself pregnant. Which is like cardinal sin to her community.

I thought, what the heck, I should just watch this and see how it won Sundance.

After the show was over, I realised, OH! So that's how they won Sundance.

It's a very honest show, very true to life. And you know I always love good endings.

Of course, sometimes I have my Hollywood tendencies. Other than Quinceanera, I bought Just Like Heaven. A week back, I bought Sweet Home Alabama.

I guess you can scream "CHICK FLICK!" now.

Or you can scream "REESE WITHERSPOON".

But I assure you, I choose my chick flicks wisely. Heh.

For fear of losing this feeling, I dragged myself outta bed to blog about it. Ah, the minimal sacrifice I have to take because of my not-so-good memory skills.


I'm not saying it sucks, I'm saying it burns! (My prefered title for the film)

So, the grapevine spoke, and the bulk of you would have been approached by me all over to partake in a film competition as an actor/actress.

In the end, with the two in hand (Shazzana and Apple!!), my team went ahead with the film competition.

Okay, not so much a film competition, and definately not an avant garde one. It's the Digital Life Canon DV Triathlon '07, and as the organisers proudly proclaim, it's the FIRST EVER Digital Life Canon yadaa yadaa yadaa.

So, the concept of this competition was to complete a 3 minute film (conceptialising, shooting and editing) in 8 hours that sticks to the theme that they will throw out at the start of the 8 hours. Then, there are 3 mystery elements that must be included in the film, whether verbally or physically or artistically.

So, before that very day, I was trying to churn stories off my head, much like a cement mixer. Whrr... whrrr.. whrr.. comes to mind.

But nevermind, because the theme turned out to be..... "Global Warming".

Yes, the dear old subject that was familiar to anyone who is concerned enough to tsk tsk at throwing away perfectly good paper. Or to anyone who's been through Geography lessons.

When I saw that theme, the protocol was to roll thy eyes, then sigh, much like most of the people in the room. Aiyo! How to be creative ah? I thought of having this mega blockbuster ala The Day After Tomorrow, but then my pockets signify that My Day After Tomorrow will be difficult cos there's no money already. But nevermind.

So, me and my team sat down at Long John Silver for the first 1 and a half hours, just to conceptialise the whole story. Within that time itself, someone ought to make a film of us, because I was certain smoke were bellowing out all of us. It was a tense, roller-coaster discussion for us, because we didn't quite see eye-to-eye over issues. My primary role was the screenplay writer, so I wrote out the script.

Then it was time to go shoot someone! The entire shooting took place in 3 locations- Vivocity, streets of Orchard Road and a beautiful park at Doby Gaut. (and illegally, the MRT. Heh)

By the time we ended shooting, all of us were SHAGGED out! I recall my actress crossing the road many times, and also having to buy the DVD "Matchstick Men" because one of the mystery item was a matchstick. (Gotta give credit for Zixin for that idea, since every other film had someone lighting up a matchstick, but we did it so differently.)

Our final scene was an impactful burning-of-paper scene. OR SO I THOUGHT. In the end, almost every other film had a paper/leaf/newspaper/some kind of funny paper/ tissue paper (maybe) burning scene.

YIKES! I was cursing to myself, feeling so ordinary and so... normal cos everyone thought of that too.

Editing was primarily done by Zixin and ShuHui, so I tried to come up with the title and synopsis. Imagine this: 30 groups in a small area, with 1 laptop to each team, and time is running out.

By the time the film was done we could go for dinner, it was 8.00pm already.

My mum and dad came to watch the films at 9.00pm. Haha. I asked them the day before if they wanted to come and see, and they really did! Even though I'm twenty this year, it still feels good that they came just to support me.

Gek Eng and Andrea also came down to watch! Which makes it all the more sweeter.

At 8.50 or so, all the films were shown. So there were 30 teams, and since each film is 3 mins, the entire showcase lasted till 10pm. You know what was the worst part? (Could be the best, if you see if differently) My team's film was the last to be shown. Very very last.

And the product by the guys team from my school was good too. When I saw it, I was like, dammnit. That's nice and different!

Then it was time for prize presentation.

First was some cinematography prize, which went to a team.
Then it was best director. And the person announced it this way. "D-o-t-z productions".

That's my group. And we look at each other. Stunned. Then Zixin went up to get the prize.

Then it was best screenplay. And the person announced it as a repeat winner. "Dotz productions".

Wha..? You must be kidding right?

We were over the moon.

Then came the all important prizes, 1st, 2nd and 3rd. Instead of announcing, they showed the films.

(this is the moment where I have to clearly remember this feeling)

The person said, and the first prize is....

they showed the film.

The first lines of the film was familiar. "The truth is...."
Then I saw Apple's face on that huge projector.
Then my dad came over and hit me on my head with a smile.
Then I looked at Zixin and Shu Hui.
Then this photographer came.
Then there were flashes.
Then I understood that I do have it.
I always told myself that I was special, and I could do something.
I never really proven it.
Until yesterday. Until all the emotions and the sweat ran through all of us.
Until my parents were there to see it. Until my friends were there to see it.

until we had won the first prize. Somehow, somewhere, our film must have been special. And I know that, because we are special.

Finally I won something that means so much.

That man in the picture.

Newspapers can send shockwaves through everyone's heart, and it did to me today.

But its no point gnawing over the same issue over and over again, because we have accepted this unmoral obligation to continue as if our head and heart are independent of each other.

And frankly, I can't help but feel guilty. It's like a crime. Me, I yearn to be good, to be worthy of heaven's gates, and I just let the bad stuff wash over. I'm not directly affected, but I know people out there are getting hurt.

Adult life is adultry.

It's scary. I need someone to protect me.

Look Ma, no socks!

... and so, moi was duly punished with 2 FRICKING big blisters at the arch of each of my feet after basketball training yesterday.

Ouch.

In CS style, my celebration of success in the examinations (OR Failure, we don't know yet but i hope for the best) were an elaborate party of gigantic sorts. There was a picnic, with picnic mats and trees and a lake right across us and food aplenty and babies, even a shower of rain for a while to contend with.

Then there was the pennultimate chalet/hall meeting/sleepover.

Could be mistaken from a comedy straight out of tv for I kept laughing and laughing. Oh, fizzah kept me well entertained/a lil' worried all night long. Glad to see everyone's okay now, and we had our due fun.

---> and I can't believe I was talking about farts in the car<------

KBOX is next!

As I was looking to get myself acquainted with my namesake, the "TAN" in Deanna Tan, the sun refused to shine.

"Shine, damnit, shine!"

But it was to no avail. The rain kept pouring down. And so I'm still a terrible shade of yellow. Crud.